- Free gas and snacks are Very Good Things™.
- Brake if you like Neil. Actually, slow down so that you don't get a speeding ticket if you like Neil.
- Neil is the coolest guy on the planet, even if he doesn't sign in Vegas. Dammit.
- The Maxim is creepy. (But I already knew that.)
- I need to stay in the Tropicana and say I'm going to be there for two weeks writing a novel.
- The SF Goth scene is friendlier and nicer than the LV one.
- I need to read more comics.
- I need to read more books.
- Even when you kerplunk on the story you were going to tell Neil, the one you've been rehearsing in your head for years, when you wanted to get a particular page signed, he'll still sympathize, even with bloodshot, baggy eyes.
- GPS kicks ass, especially when Yahoo gives you funny driving directions.
- Proofread. You never know when you might miss an apostrophe.
- Fuck. I forgot. But I like that word, fuck, so I'll say it anyway.
- Walker seems to have this theme of talking about monkeys. This is disconcerting.
- Neil doesn't know how to read the Japanese edition of Dream Hunters.
- Linda from Vroman's is a bitch.
- When I grow up, I want Ellen Fishman to be my Author Escort.
- Vegas people who fly out to see Neil then go back to the Burbank Airport to be on a plane by 9:00 at night right after the signing are cool.
- Michelle writes phenomenal intros.
- Neil fans are the nicest and craziest people in the world.
- Just because your favorite author is a New York Times Bestseller doesn't mean he won't sign more stuff after everybody leaves.
- Barely passing driving tests on our sixteenth birthday kinda suck, but we pass them anyway so later on we can get speeding and parking tickets.
- Devil Bunny has been in places people don't like to talk about.
- Devil Ducky, you're the one, you make Satan so much fun.
- Arrive early. Stay late. It's totally worth it.
- Sleep is lost, tires blow, but Walker has Cthulhu Nikes.
- Michelle's Endless are the cutest pets, but the rats need toenail clippers.
- If you draw an Endless comic, Neil will do Endless voices for you over the phone.
- Neil has a very bad American accent. So bad, in fact, that it sounds Irish.
- The I-5 is the suckiest drive in California.
- When you go to signings, somehow you collect books.
- Henry Rollins and VNV Nation are kickass driving music.
- Don't forget the bloody tripod!
- Don't be afraid to play with Thingies in Real Life™. They make you feel at home.
- Neil starts to recognize you after 2 signings, jokes with you about it after 3, and says your name in goodbyes after 5.
- If you have Thingie friends, you'll always have a place to sleep.
- Driving is tiring. Touring is even moreso.
- Tori fans are rabid, even when they're quiet.
- People of all ages, shapes, colors, and sizes read Neil.
- Convert-- I mean introducing-- people to Neil's work is fun.
- Neil is funny. Funnier than you think.
- Despite popular belief, Walker is NOT Silent Bob.
- Fuzzy Nietzches are scary.
- Sleep-- good! Awake-- bad!
- No matter how many times you've heard Neil say, "The Sandman Movie is still in production hell-- may it stay there for all eternity," it's still funny.
- Walker is Neil's California Bitch™.
- Todd McFarlane is a dick. Or a twerp, depending on what accent you say it in.
- David from the Tower Video store on Sunset is Tha Man and gets mad props for giving me 3 dollars in random change, while demonstrating all the different ways of using "change" in a sentence.
- If you drive it or keep small animals in it, Neil'll sign a piece of it. Just don't bring him The Thing In The Jar.
- It pays to be early, espeically if you're recording the reading for yourself.
- When Neil says your name, it's in the coolest accent, especially when you're walking around the table to take a picture and he says cheerfully, "Come here."
- Meeting people in line is fun, and makes waiting faster.
- Tim Tams are good. That's all I'm gonna say about that.
- Tree makes a good Neil Prop™.
- There are a lot of silver Bugs around.
- Be careful about what you say in emails to Neil-- you might just end up in a novel someday.
- Ranch Doritos are good brain food.
If you made it this far, here's a little treat: James singing "The English Coastline Song" solo.