we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

16 August 2001

Ever have one of those weeks? This week is turning out to be one of those. Nothing seems to be going right, and it feels like it's worse than it really is? That's me.

'Course, I blow things up more than they should as it is, but hey.

I think this trip to L.A. this weekend will be a Good Thing. I'm really hoping it will be. Get away from things for a couple of days.

For now, try to get some work done. And stuff.

.the girl who is not very 1:56 PM [+].

15 August 2001

Crystal Method was good.

Neither one of my reviews got in this week.

Jude's show got moved to Saturday, which means I'm probably not going.

Still sick.

Dad's going in for throat surgery Friday.

Nothing I can do about these things. Nothing.

I'm going to take some NyQuil and go into a coma now.

.the girl who is not very 11:52 PM [+].

So right now I'm waiting for my sister-in-law to get here so we can eat before the homecoming Crystal Method show.

I highly recommend China Miéville's King Rat. It was one of the few books I've read where I had to finish it, just to find out what happened. I think I might just get Perdido Street Station just because that's the one people keep talking about, and if I enjoyed that first book so much, I'll probably love the second.

Of course, I have a big old stack of books waiting for me to read, so we'll see. After last night I'm almost halfway through Jonathan Carroll's Sleeping in Flame, which I'm starting to get the same kind of feeling about. I want to know what happens, but I have to put the book down and remember to enjoy it.

It was like in an interview where Neil Gaiman mentioned how someone emailed him worried that they'd read American Gods all at once and that was a bad thing, as if someone had taken the best meal a chef could prepare and just "rammed it down." I kind of feel that way with this book-- it's like sometimes you just want to put it down, think about it and savor it, savor the endings. And then you read the end and you can't ever have that feeling again. I'm really trying to savor that feeling here. So I put it down and read the rest of a chapter in Homer's Odyssey while I put From Hell away for a bit. That book's starting to creep on me a little.

I've noticed I've been having a lot of ideas in my head lately. That's good, because I write them down in my journal/notebook. But now I just have a page full of ideas I'm not quite sure what to do with.

But I'm getting closer to finishing that story I was working on yesterday, so that's even better. The next step after that is finding out where exactly I'm going to send it. We'll see.

.the girl who is not very 5:45 PM [+].

I just realized that ThingieCon's coming up next month. I think it just might be an excuse to head out to L.A. again... That's for later though.

Reason number 2, I think, why I missed Vegas when I was overseas, next to the big blue skies: Sunsets.

Every time I feel like I want to leave this place, I'm reminded why I came back to it.

.the girl who is not very 12:23 PM [+].

14 August 2001

Went up to Jitters to get some work done, and succeeded in getting almost a thousand words in today. I'm all jacked up on Sudafed during the day and NyQuil at night so I barely have a sniffle-cough thing going on. I like that.

Nothing really profound today to rant about. I don't think.

Talked to a guy named Frank about iBooks, well, Macs in general really, and IRAs and dreams and goals. Cool, but odd at the same time how you just end up talking to people without intending to. I've been getting that a lot lately, just meeting people, having these intense and good conversations, and then they leave and you feel like you're remembering why we're all here. And then after awhile they end up in the back of your mental Rolodex for... stuff.

.the girl who is not very 4:32 PM [+].

Still sick. Yay for me.

I'm going to put this up as a draft. Another local music scene rant. I started it a couple of weeks ago and have been adding things on since then. I don't really know where it's going or if it's going to be a real piece, or just something to stick in a story somewhere, or what.

     A lot of people like to think they can come to Vegas and just make it. It doesn't work like that.
     Most of the time I really don't know what they mean by "make it." That phrase can encompass everything to having people you don't know finally showing up at a gig, or getting a record contract.
     It's not like bands are going to get really discovered here-- most of the people passing through Vegas who actually notice bands are either with hookers, mistresses, or their favorite poison, whether it be drugs, drinking, or gambling. Young actors like to come down here, go down to the Hard Rock, gamble a good couple of thousand, and walk out like it's required research to be a player in Hollywood straight into rehab. Just ask Ben Affleck.
     I think they're waiting to run into Ben Affleck, or some Hollywood producer, or who they thought they were in a past life, write the script, and be done. They want to go into their plush grass backyard while their parents are asleep, do the chicken dance naked under a crescent moon, toss a couple of bones, draw some blood, and make themselves think it's going to solve everything.
     I can tell you, as a witch, that that doesn't work. Besides, you have to have the moon full, and why would you want to channel a chicken anyway.
     I live in a town visited by famous people every day. Unless you're willing to suck their cock in the bathroom, they aren't going to care about you. I know that's a hard thing to comprehend, kids, but get over it.
     And me, I just hope to get by on whatever semblance of talent I hope I have somewhere. I try. I really do. Here's the funny thing: A lot of people are surprised when they meet me. Sometimes, I get asked what I do for a living, and when I say music journalist it scares them off sometimes. When I've done reviews of bands, sometimes I go out and meet them just to say hi. One time I even walked up to a drummer, to whom I was going to introduce myself, and he avoided me all night until I ended up talking to their vocalist and saying I was from a local weekly and I'd given them a positive review. Then he was my best friend. After that, they'd put my review in their press pack.
     What I like is that I know I have some kind of talent, and I try and use that to my advantage. I just don't look like your typical writer. I don't think. Most writers I've met, famous or otherwise, have this aura about them. When they put words on paper, they're in the zone. It's just their thing. I personally don't think I have that aura. I just write because I know it's something I'm pretty good at and I don't like to do (or want to do) anything else. Music is my other passion, so being a music journalist was sort of second on the list of writer-things, a musician being the third career-wise.
     People ask me if I give good reviews of bands that are nice to me. Not really. There are bands that I'm on good terms with that I gave so-so reviews to, and there are bands that I don't really like as people that make decent music, and there are bands that I've never even seen before that make good records. Most of the time, it just seems like the musicians that make good CDs are nice people. I just happen to get along with everybody, so that makes it strange. And the more I hang out with bands, the more I know, and the more I have to talk about, which is nice.
     I'm a musician too, which helps, and I've been in bands, so I know how seemingly impossible it is just to get your foot in the door. Hell, I even know that feeling being a writer. Everybody's just trying to get in the game.
     Not that any of that makes me an expert. I'm the last person to ask when it comes to career advice: Come on now, I got a music journalist job by sending a rambling, unfocused letter to an alternative weekly's editor-in-chief. But there are some people that you know are going to get far just because they have a professional attitude toward things. They show up for gigs, sober (even if they get drunk during the set), be at practice when it's scheduled, and play the schmoozing game if that's their thing or they absolutely have to.
     Whether you like it or not, being in a band really is work. You have to actually make time for it. After awhile it takes out a big chunk of your life, and if you're willing to give that time, get your head out there and shake hands with a lot of people, things will go kerplunk right quick.
     And it helps to know where the trends are. If you're in a ska band and nü-metal is dominating the airwaves, don't expect to get very far unless you have a very unique sound that people are willing to put up with-- and I'm not talking about the 30 friends you made at the local cafe appearance a couple of months ago. Not to say you should just follow what's going on and play that formula, but having a sound that sticks out creates buzz and good word-of-mouth-- two things that are very difficult to get, especially in Vegas, where trends are everywhere in an already jaded town.
     Don't ask me what that sound... er, sounds like. I have an okay knack for songs that get a little popular before they get big, but most of the time what's popular underground isn't necessarily my taste. I just don't have an ear for it. And sometimes you just see bands and you know they're good, even if the sound's not your cup of tea-- some people have that aura, and some bands just have it, too.

.the girl who is not very 11:34 AM [+].

If you've always wanted to know what it was like to be on stage reading poetry at Roma, this is as close as you're going to get.

The only difference is that usually people aren't posing as if they were in a picture, and certainly aren't smiling. You know, since angst is always en vogue.

.the girl who is not very 11:06 AM [+].

13 August 2001

How's this for an opinion on my restlessness?

Are you uncomfortable within a certain situation because there is something wrong with it - or are you uncomfortable merely because you feel that you ought to be somewhere else, doing something different. What happens when you subtract from the equation, your dream, your fantasy, your longing - and your resentment of the fact that things are as they are? Try giving yourself wholeheartedly to the reality that lies before you. At least then, you will know what it is like to be fully a part of it. And that will tell you a lot.

Not that it makes me feel any less like crap because of this hay fever, but hey, it's something.

.the girl who is not very 5:45 PM [+].

I was the only one who got on the guest list last night, which meant I had to help everyone else help pay to get in. I didn't mind it, really. The people that went with us needed to see this show.

I even forgot that I was sick last night, which was a feat in itself. Thank Goddess for small miracles.

I want to write more about the show, but there's just too much and my brain is forgetting where it is right now. Hopefully I'll get in a more coherent report soon.

And since I've started to take pictures with my digital camera, I'm taking pictures just for taking pictures' sake. Plus I get to learn more about my little camera. I've made a new page to put these pictures on, a portfolio/gallery of sorts. It's just for fun, nothing really too serious.

.the girl who is not very 2:32 PM [+].

Erg. Tori's not coming here on her solo tour. I really don't want to have to go so San Diego, but Lisa and I trekked to Bakersfield, so I think this won't be too bad. I can understand why she's not coming here-- the crowds in Vegas suck ass when it comes to being polite. There's no real eloquent way to say that. We're full of assholes out here.

And I'm full on sick now, taking Nyquil at night and Sudafed during the day. I feel terrible.

However.

This was just something way too ironic to pass up a picture on.

Boy Hits Car are the nicest guys who put on an energetic show. I had the best time.

Oh yes, Downer and Anyone, on tour together, both dropped so we only got Notfromhere, Pull, and Onesidezero opening up. Onesidezero was really good-- I was genuinely shocked. They're signed to Maverick, so I'm hoping their album that comes out next month is going to be good and not a Deftones clone. I'm really hoping.

Not only was the show awesome, Mikey and Katie and I stuck around to talk to most of Boy Hits Car-- Mike (the drummer), CRegg (the singer), and Scott (the bassist). Coolest guys you could ever meet. I told them about how my positive review of the record didn't get printed, which got a couple of disappointed "aws."

Mike was shocked that I knew so much about his drum set. I asked him if he was using an 808 and he said, "How do you know so much technical drum stuff?" And I told him about Brandon and how I just get info through osmosis or whatever. We all got to stand around and just talk to a regular guy. It was refreshing. Scott and CRegg were sweethearts. You can just tell they're in it for the music and the people. We need more people like that here. If we did we'd be flourishing.

Definitely, it's going up there with another great local show.

.the girl who is not very 1:45 PM [+].

12 August 2001

Kim pointed me to Fat Toby out of L.A. Pretty good stuff. An old schoolmate of ours from Green Valley plays guitar for them now, commanding 800+ at shows. I'd say that's pretty damn good.

Got Boy Hits Car tomorrow night. Luckily for us, Downer dropped at the last minute and I'm on the guest list. I think. If not there are going to be 4 very ticked guests at the Huntridge tomorrow.

I really feel like shit now. My sinuses are getting worse. And I'm really tired. I think I'm going to have to Nyquil it tonight before bed.

Had some practice in with Brandon and Mikey earlier today. Haven't touched my bass in about 2 and a half months, but playing all the old stuff was like cakewalking again. And I'd gotten a fairly cheap new distortion pedal, so it was good. I don't know. I'm just bored now. Brandon asked me what was wrong and I just feel like shit right now.

I was running errands this morning, and came home with lunch to try and get at least halfway through Alan Moore's From Hell, which is pretty monstrous as it is, and I'm starting to get really engrossed in the story (that word being taken more ways than one-- I'm starting to understand the "Scary Trousers" Gaiman comment)-- and Kim calls me asking to get online for her about something. I didn't want to get online. And so we get off the phone to talk online. So then I'm online, talking to people. And then Brandon calls about doing practice. So Alan Moore's going to have to wait.

I'm still not halfway through it. Bugger. I might have time to read it tomorrow. I hope. Grrr.

.the girl who is not very 12:51 AM [+].