we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

01 September 2001

Just as an aside, I didn't end up going to The Boston last night. If I saw any local musicians, I would've went off. Though I'm not sure if going to Roma was any better.

.the girl who is not very 12:37 PM [+].

So today, I'm having friends over for a barbeque. This should be interesting because I inadvertantly invited two people who got into a fist fight 2 weeks ago.

But it's my party, and it's my friends, and I don't care. If you don't like the fact that I'm friends with everybody, you can fuck off.

(I'm in a bitchy mood now, after that little review thing yesterday. I'm not taking any shit from anybody. As my friends used to say, "I don't give a fuck!")

Tony's supposed to call me so we can head to the store and pick up condiments and hot dogs and all that, since he's bringing the hamburger meat. But he warned me that he was going to our (ex) singer's house (I don't know if I should call him "ex" yet, considering we're all unspoken that we all want to play again) to drink and play Playstation 2 and that if he hadn't called by now that he was recovering.

Finally got to talk to Rozzie (hitherto known as Shamus) online last night. Hi, babe. I'll be taking lots of pictures for ya tonight. We'll get Shamus O'Malley in the hizouse, by proxy.

.the girl who is not very 12:31 PM [+].

So, being that I vented earlier this evening at a short visit to Roma, I don't really have anything to say other than if you can't take a sentence you don't like with a little bit of salt, you need some help.

.the girl who is not very 1:02 AM [+].

31 August 2001

I told you things were going downhill. To clarify. I did a review this week on a local DJ named Frank Richards. Frank Richards mixes house music. As an aside here, I like house music. Not a huge fan, mind, but I like it. I listen to some of it. I'm open to new sounds.

Here's my review of his CD, A Long Time Ago...:

Putting together a DJ set on record can be tricky. For one thing, you'd better know what you're doing in two areas: one, knowing what music mixes well, which means you'd better be familiar with whatever genre you plan on highlighting; and two, having your DJ skills up to par before you decide to set it down on plastic for permanent mass consumption.
For local resident DJ Frank Richards, it's fairly evident that he's had a lot of practice, especially when it comes to mixing house music. On A Long Time Ago, Richards has pulled out all the different parts of house and made a solid late-night excursion mix. It's an eclectic journey, traveling from the Bahamas in the gospel Reggae vocals of "God of Israel," continuing on with the Spanish "Amor Latino" and the primitive beats of "Pushin," with the laid-back West Coast meeting the more energetic clubbiness of the East Coast.
It's a little rough around the edges, as some of the transitions are a little sloppy and some of the tracks don't mix well musically— but it's only one man and his turntables, so you can't really blame Richards for trying.

Anyway, said DJ called up My Editor and yelled at him about that comment. Then I get an e-mail saying he got yelled at and to watch out next time. Commentary on this soon.

.the girl who is not very 6:00 PM [+].

For those of you just joining in, or just happen to be stopping by-- you know, I don't really know who's reading this, it's not like there's a huge audience of you out there waiting for the next post-- my little local journalist gig could possibly be stepped up in the next couple of weeks.

Advice for this weekend:

Though there is a lot that it is not yet wise to do, there's plenty to keep you busy while you wait. Instead of seeing these other tasks and involvements as a poor substitute for your desired activity, find some way to throw yourself into them wholeheartedly. This will help you to clear the decks so that, when your opportunity arrives, you are ready to take it. It will also help you resist the temptation to strike before the iron is properly hot. Form plans, develop ideas, clarify your intentions and get ready, this weekend.

Yeah. Get some.

.the girl who is not very 1:34 PM [+].

Natalie leaves for Scripps tomorrow. It was as if she'd just got here.

28. Ani DiFranco\Most of the Time (Bob Dylan cover)

Things to do tomorrow:
Finish reviews (2)
Clean (bathroom)
Do (laundry)

I think Walker mentioned that he was coming in this weekend, but I haven't heard from him since right after I got back from L.A. a week ago. I'm planning a shindig at my house Saturday for a pre-Labor Day... erm, thing. Tony called last night to mention that his dad hooked us up with a nice amount of meat for the grill. I mean, not that it really means anything to me, since I don't eat that stuff.

I'm thinking that next week is going to be bad. Don't ask me why. I feel like it's a karmic downturn time for me right now.

.the girl who is not very 2:08 AM [+].

30 August 2001

Before I head to beddie-bye.

I got a very pleasant surprise in the mail today from Richard of the London band RDS-- a CD. I happened to see Richard play solo at Roma in a cross-country jaunt for RDS's CD Simplicity-- at one point he mentioned Badly Drawn Boy and I was the only one who raised her hand-- and we've kept a disjointed e-mail correspondence since.

I'm listening to it right now. I think I'll do it for my next review, since all the other national stuff wasn't doing anything for me.

By the way, Richard, if you see this. Hi.

Otherwise, this in from the ether:

By nature, you are a reactive sort of person. When a challenge crops up or a sudden opportunity arises, you find it exciting and fulfilling to drop whatever you are doing and seize the moment. The upside of this is that your life is rarely dull and often unexpectedly successful. The downside is that your world is full of half finished plans and projects. Next week, you can have all the novelty and drama you crave. All the more reason then, to ignore today's potential diversion, no matter how noisy or attractive.

.the girl who is not very 12:46 AM [+].

Fuck.

I had a very nice post with links. And then my page turned into a fucking advertisement. For Sprinks. I don't give a fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Fuck. Okay. Breathe. Say what you were going to say.

I'm going to the Boston on Friday to see Blueline, Ill Figures, and Death by Wednesday. HBO's Reverb is supposed to be there.

A few reasons for this venture: I haven't been to The Boston in quite awhile; I haven't talked to Blueline in quite awhile either; and I'm curious as to why HBO would be interested in spending two days here-- tomorrow being spent with Joynt Chiefs and Ulterior Motives at the Hard Rock Cafe-- only to get an okay but horribly thin slice of the local scene.

It pays to have friends, I guess. Actually, it pays to pay to have friends.

.the girl who is not very 12:32 AM [+].

29 August 2001

So I guess today's post is going to be about Tarot cards.

I have a friend of mine named Bryant who I met at the now defunct Cafe Copioh about 2 and a half years ago. See, back when I was coming home every weekend from Redlands, I would be the Tarot Den Mother, reading everybody's cards. It got to the point that I would read for one of my friends, then someone would see that I had cards, as for a reading, and then by the end of the night I'd have read for just about everybody in the building. Good practice, but then I ended up knowing everybody's business.

You're probably thinking I made bank back then. No. My theory has always been and always will be that I don't charge for readings. If people want to pay me back in some way by buying me coffee or giving me a reading in return, that's fine. But I don't take money for it. I figure if I'm at least putting a seed in someone's head to make positive change in their life, that's good karma for me, which is better than any money anyone could give me.

I met Bryant when I was giving someone a reading. I finished and this quiet guy with a hippie beanie hat asks me quietly if I did cards, and if I could read for him. We traded readings that night, and being that it was his first time at Copioh, I'm glad it was me who introduced him there, 'cause you don't want to know the business I was knowing there and then. There were some really unstable people. I mean, not that I'm totally all there, you know. Bryant went off to Mexico for a month, I went off to England for 5 months. Eventually Bryant blossomed into a very independent (and very out of the closet) loving friend.

So I was talking to Bryant a couple of nights ago, and since we hadn't caught up in awhile, I asked if he still had his cards. He said, "Oh hon, we need to do a trade tomorrow night." Nice. So we met up at Roma last night to give each other readings. Bryant couldn't find his cards so he used mine.

I had a certain question in my mind when I shuffled my cards, but the reading itself ended up being about career and questioning motivations.

Bryant said, "You have this problem again. You don't believe you deserve happiness."

I said, "I don't know. I feel like I deserve it, but I feel as if I'm still trying to define what that word is. And how can you get happiness if you don't know what it quite is yet?" He knew exactly what I was talking about.

It's readings like this that make me realize it's good to have friends read for you-- they're much more objective about the situation, so the message you get from the cards is totally different. I was telling my friend Shannon that I don't usually read for myself all that often unless I know I'm going to get more clarification on things from the cards.

All of us were hanging out last night. Bryant, his boyfriend Dan, Shannon, Diana and Treasure and myself hung out at Roberto's for awhile, and ended up migrating to my house to hang for a little bit. Bryant ended up giving Treasure a reading that we all chimed in on. Bryant and I are sometimes infamous for our Tag Team readings.

A very nice, chill, quasi-spiritual evening. I learned that karma's going to challenge me whether I like it or not, so I'd better step up to the plate. Get some.

.the girl who is not very 2:57 PM [+].

28 August 2001

So I have to admit that right now my favorite song is Afroman's "Because I Got High." I can't get it out of my head.

I was gonna write in my Blog, but then I got high.
I was gonna remove this horrid slog, but then I got high.
Now I'm losin' my post, and I know why.
'Cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high.
La-da da da da da...

Okay, not really. I just think it's funny as hell, 'cause I actually know people like that.

In actual news, I went down to CityLife to give The Editor my invoice for the past 2 months of articles, only to find out that I might have to be stepped up. "I want to talk to you about your schedule," he said, and didn't go into detail because Chaz was standing there. I felt bad for having him there, but I wasn't expecting talking about what I might possibly be doing to be so secretive because everybody knows our managing editor left. It's not like this wasn't public knowledge-- even another alt-weekly reported on it.

I'm actually surprised, even with absolutely jack shit going on in the scene right now that he'd even consider me getting more stuff. I'm not sure if I should be honored or scared.

Good rep, I think. I just want to have a good rep. And, you know, hope I have some talent to get me somewhere. It's time to step up. For real.

.the girl who is not very 2:41 AM [+].

27 August 2001

Dammit. One of my favorite sites, anidifranco.org, has bit the dust. I guess all Ani info's going to have to come from the source itself.

Dotcom bust. I just hope the place I'm at doesn't go under. It's a good place for me. I haven't had any problems at all with it. Bugger.

.the girl who is not very 11:35 AM [+].

From Ye Olde astrologer for today:

You cannot install your new cooker till the plumber has moved the sink. The sink can't be moved till the cupboard to replace it has arrived. They won't deliver the cupboard till you pay for it. You won't have the money till you've sold your old cooker. Does this sound familiar? Your scenario may have nothing to do with kitchens but in so far it involves a complex chain of events, all refusing to fall neatly into place, there's an analogy. There's also a solution. This week's alignments should help you square a circle soon.

Chaz just called me to do some errands today. He's going to be looking for jobs and doing laundry at my house, I have to turn in a freelancer invoice at CityLife and send off those checks for those parking tickets. Plus I have to make some art-stuff for the CDs I'm burning today. Hopefully getting those all done won't take more than a couple of days.

.the girl who is not very 11:30 AM [+].

As if I'm not feeling restless already, I talk to Chaz who almost makes me feel bad about laying low and gathering experience first.

"I think if I can still be writing in this scene, I think I'll be able to cover just about anything else," I told him.

I don't know. At times I feel like I'm on the verge of something great. Then sometimes I feel like I'm in a neverending slog. Right now, I'm in a terrible slog. I feel like it's time for something different, but in a way I want to feel like it's a stable different. Say, if I just upped and moved to L.A., I'd like to know I have a steady job that's really going to support me first before I go there and restart things.

If cancer had never entered the equation as far as my father was concerned, I probably would be more apt to get up and move somewhere else, now that the band's for naught and freelancing is a go-anywhere kind of job. You know, the Virginia Woolf Room of Her Own kind of thing. Money and a room, pen and paper, music strongly recommended, but not necessary.

It was a lot easier for Redlands to send me off to England, alone, than to just get up and be somewhere different. There are things I want to do, but I know they won't be as easy as the e-mail I sent to CityLife nine months ago.

What it really boils down to is that the Vegas music scene frankly sucks. I've ranted about this before way too many times. But there's a hope in the back of my mind that things will pick up, that things will really turn around, and I can really criticize without being lambasted. I hate it when people make harsh judgements about this place and don't even want to open their ears because they're so set in their opinions. It drives me nuts. People can't agree to disagree here. Either they have to be right or the argument itself isn't valid. And then the worst part is that once you have an opinion it's like you're pigeonholed-- for example, being pegged as a political feminist (and sometimes lesbian) because I listen to Ani DiFranco-- and you can't climb out of the box people have put you in.

It's like that everywhere, I know this. But it seems to be magnified here in Vegas. I'm not sure if that's the true nature of the beast here or because it's merely location-specific. From my limited knowledge, at least people are willing to hear you out anywhere else but here. You have one chance to say your peace here, and it'd better be good.

It's harsh here. I want out, I guess, but I want a good out.

.the girl who is not very 1:22 AM [+].

26 August 2001

I rawketh mightily.

I pared down the tracks to about 79 minutes and 31 seconds. Boo-yah. I put up the pages of pics for private parties. Boo-yah. I got my review in in the wee hours of Friday night/Saturday morning. Boo-yah. I saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Boo-yah.

And I met up with some old Johnston buddies at Sunset Station.

.the girl who is not very 8:21 PM [+].

I'm not a big fan of Aaliyah but hearing of her death at the house party I was at tonight was more affecting than I thought it was going to be.

Seeing ten people, all from such different backgrounds-- some of whom don't listen to R&B at all-- standing around the little television in the kitchen, shocked, makes you think about how someone who is a celebrity, even if they aren't your inspiration, feels closer than you think.

She was only 22. Just barely getting started. If this isn't enough to get you off your ass and do something with yourself, then you really need to find something else to do.

.the girl who is not very 3:03 AM [+].

All the pics for public consumption are up. I still have a couple of pages of pics that other people want to see privately to put up.

And I'm almost, almost done with editing the tracks. I'm trying to get them down to 80 minutes for one CD instead of doing two. For tomorrow. It's a tad bit too late right now for that stuff.

.the girl who is not very 2:41 AM [+].

So. Yeah. Pics from California. Live it, love it. Get it done tonight before I don't do it at all. These first two are from Baker, the rest from Santa Monica.

.the girl who is not very 2:14 AM [+].